Saturday, 23 June 2012

A Cigarette Not Smoked.

..did you ever wonder if there was a way we could cancel the days we just did not feel like living? Days which gives you spasms and days which just do not pass quickly when you just want to be done with them. And all of a sudden those days come which are too good and they are gone in blink of an eye!
I never get this whole psyche of nature, if you ask me. Today while I was scribbling through my life since I just wanted to PASS my time and live the good days again where I am all happy and satisfied with myself, I hit a text to a friend, telling her about my depressed and conical situation. And she suggested me to just write something. Hence I am back here, on my blog which I left some months back and never cared to look back. I came here, and I felt as if i came back to a deserted house I abandoned some ages ago.

The main reason why I am writing this post is to ask and to tell that sometimes, it's just too easy to let go of somethings and sometimes? ITS SO HARD. I am going through the latter patch, actually. I know letting go would just help me in moving forward but I just don't want to let go. I never let go, thats the problem with me even when the other person is pulling his hand back, I just won't let go cause It would just in fill me the distrust of not giving it another chance. Maybe I am too hopeful for them or maybe for them I am too hopeless. I don't know what or why exactly I am writing this post but I hate myself for being such a keeper of things which I should just burn and get done with them. Like that cigarette that I have hidden in my envelope for like 8months now. Or that picture in which a Belgian guy spontaneously put a hand around my shoulder and clicked a picture which for me was the most outrageous thing (but i dont blame him, courtesy his culture). Or those wrappers of Fruitella that this guy I badly fell in love with, once gave me, two years back. Or those cheap cards my friends gave me on Eids/Birthdays from school. Or.. perhaps my best friend who just stopped caring for me eventually..

I know I sound sad but I am not. I don't want to be sad. I am not sad.. or maybe I look like one? Or maybe I am one. I don't know. I talk to myself when I cannot talk to that one person who is just so busy vacationing in some part of the country, oblivion of the fact that it's just so hard for me seeing that even when I didn't let go of things.. someone let go of me.