DadnDaughter'z Convoz #1.

Me: Dad, why do people put so many dots in texts? 
Papa: Why you asking?
Me: I don't see the point, maybe that's why?
Papa: Oh. Well that is to show that we are thinking even while we are texting. 

Enlightening, no?

My Last Message: As a Teenager.

Did you regret when you realized you can no longer climb onto your dad’s lap just cause you are all adult now? Did you regret when you realized that it’s time you were expected to wash your dad’s car cause now you are 18 and it’s time you should take up to your responsibilities? Did you regret when you started getting taunts like ‘So, we’re soon going to hear the wedding bells, haawn? ;)’ from aunties just cause you are now 5’6 and all grown up? Did you regret when throwing water on the table during dinner became a sin and not a mistake cause you were adult? Did you indeed regret when you actually realized that it’s your last day of teenage and all the past days you didn’t care to worth each day just cause time is such a big double-cross?

I love where I am today. But a part of me just don’t want to let go of calling my self a teenager. There wasn’t anything special about it indeed but now, when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t know if I ever want to leave my teenage ever. I just want to die and end it but not hit the big 20. I mean what the hell? Why can’t we realize the worth of something until we lose it? Like worth of a friend you lost but not when you had him? Like worth of a chocolate you ate but not when you were tearing the wrapper off? Like a rollercoaster ride which ends up in just matter of those awesome-st 3 minutes? :/ I want to live one more teenage year to do all those things I could do and amaze the world like Hannah Montana did at 16? I always used to envy her cause I was 17 and she was popular and I didn’t have one facebook ka fan page. Not even now I have it. But still. :p

To save you from wondering what bull I am talking about it, it’s my birthday in a while and I am just enjoying some last minutes of teenage doing the most memorable thing I can so that I can read it when I am 20 and wipe the flood of tears that rule my pupils. You won’t stop reading it right?

I had enough of fun in my life passed but I still wanted to change some of the parts. Like when my bus mates asked me to secretly hangout at some ‘Halwa Purri shop’ in the morning and skip college but I didn’t cause my lectures were important to me. -_-

Like not letting them skip me the academy I went to only for 1 week cause I finally found something I was looking for? Like not letting myself frustrate when I got 2^nd in my college finals but instead I should have been celebrating? Like started blogging before and not in July just cause I thought I would make a fool of myself and sound lame to other bloggers? Like not feeling inferior in English class when I still couldn’t speak in English even though I was 16 already? Like hitting Miss Nilofer and bulling her on her face when she embaarassed me in front of the whole class by saying ‘You know what Komal? You can never be good in and AT English. Mark my words. YOU ARE A FAILURE!’

I am not boring you right? There is so much I want to talk about tonight. Right now, with you all. Seriously. I don’t want you to comment or anything but just read it okay?

Yes, I wish I could change somethings back then and not waste my time pursuing high grades but instead enjoying my life a little bit MORE. How the hell I reached on the verge of 19 and still haven’t done anything that may imprint my name in the world even if I die tomorrow cause of some hot seductive dengue mosquitoes who can’t get enough of my blood cause as Edward Cullen says ‘Your blood is like a druuug to me’ to that stupid-stupid-stupid Kristen Stewart. (I think Dakota Fanning or even Emma Watson would’ve been a good choice for Isabella Swan cause Bella isn’t a bad character but Stewart made her look LAME)

I just got done with cleaning the whole kitchen cause Mama isn’t home and she would be mad if she comes and sees the kitchen still unclean cause the Rubeena bitch just ditched us in the morning, and hence I am, as the 20 years old already to my parents, is expected to take up the charge. I mean, doesn’t it suck being 20? It DOES.

I expected a lot of surprises this birthday even though I knew no one was gonna give me that. I hate seeing my other friends in Karachi getting surprises from all of their friends from night to noon and I still persuade everyone to surprise me cause I just LOVE surprises! I know it’s lame of me, or it sounds lame (just cause I am 20 now, right?) to insist everyone around to surprise me cause they don’t, all by themselves. :P I had some f the crazy birthdays back then, and indeed my friends had surprised me so many times with videos, slideshows, long notes, parcels across city, cards, pictures, and some silly dares on my birthday presents, I would be a total bitch if I would not be thankful to them for that, but the surprise I loved the MOST was from my parents on night when I turned 18 and they came up with a Remington ka straightner that I loved a few weeks back but since it was too expensive so I didn’t buy it. (Just like typical filmy scnes when girl likes the ring and can’t afford it and the next day, guy comes up with the same ring:p) But tonight, since the environment of home isn’t much like it is always (You know, post days of some parents-vs-children fight), I don’t expect it to be one of those awesome-st birthdays. Many of my friends including my best friend innocently asked me on my Facebook wall if it’d be okay if he doesn’t surprise me this time and I was like ‘It’s alright man’. A friend last night asked the same and I said it’d be okay cause you know what? It’d be okay. Not every birthday has to be a blassst. So what I wanted this one to be the most special one cause I am turning 20 on 20^th of September? I mean the 20-20 coincidence. I sound like a girl being turned down by a rhistay wala guy, no? :P 

I will always miss you teen age but at some part of my life, I know, I will learn to move on.

Okay. I am gonna stop talking cause I think, most of you would already have skipped half of the shit I said cause it’s just too long a note man, and everybody hates to read LONG-POSTS! I do too, but not always.

Ab wish karna hai tou achi tarha se wish karna, acha?! (If you feel like wishing me, wish me properly. And a bit differently, not the ‘I wish you get all dreams fulfilled, may you live long’ type crap. >.<

P.s: I love Twitter now cause I get to tweet with Aceytlcholine, Ifra Khaliq, Mahnoor Babar and Hamza bin Ladin/Hamid urf @Baqwaas all the time, I mean I you guys are just awesome.

P.P.S: I am starting Glee now. Chuck and Full Metal next on the list.

P.P.P.S: Happy Birthday to Memona ka chota bhai and Ather Javed. Ather, look at us. We made it to 3years of sibling-ship. Who expected a sarial like me would befriend you? :D God bless you.

Isn't she a BAWMB?

Life is being too sticky nowadays. I don't know if know it's me or does it really happen that once you're feeling distracted and frustrated, all posts on blogger seem to sound like that? Or perhaps you only come across such blogs which add to your depression.

They say I am good at frustrating people, and indeed I am. But here's my theory; What would you do if the one who frustrated you talk to you as if nothing has happened? Obviously you won't like to sound like ":D" but rather "-_-".

Well there's a lot going on and I am pissed off at my own self. Cause i tried to be judgmental and i blew it. I am a terrible judge, i would comment. There are things that matter and their are things to which we matter. I just went for the former one. Always. Which, by the way, sounds normal, actually kinda sucks.

Reasons are lame. For instance, I feel invisible now. Even I am sitting between them, I feel as if I am somewhere else. As if, the place I want to be is yet to be discovered and hence I am in the state of incessant limbo. I don't want to talk to anyone yet I want everyone to talk to me. I don't want to tell anyone what's going on in my head yet I want them to figure it all out themselves. I heard a friend saying today 'I am gonna stay away from her cause she might leave in January and then it'd be too difficult for me here to stay without her'. I get it when people try to stay away from you just cause they are addicted to you but that doesn't mean you start hurting them with your 'stay-away' strategies.

And then I have this fight over cake with my brother. Why? Cause he isn't letting me have the piece having one sticky cherry stuck on it. My parents fight with me cause they are concerned with eye bags hanging below by eyes and my cheek bones getting more bony. Am i depleting? I would love to die on my own birthday, did i tell you that ever? And I am now the Class Representative of my batch which I love to be, to be honest. But here comes another issue; Class wants to make a guy next to Class Representative, who is, if you ask me, a complete asshole. And the thing is, now it's like whole class is conspiring against me (along with some people who are supporting me but are too less in count.) But I can't let him be that, cause he's a complete crook guy who will get over my head if given power. Why am i telling you THIS now?

And you know WHAT? Some days back I applied for this sponsorship half halfheartedly so that I could be spared 15,000 in case I want to join International Youth Expo. I was supposed to write about my poor situations and reasons I couldn't afford paying full fee- so i lied. Lied at some parts, well. And two days after, I GOT THE SPONSORSHIP. I mean don't you just love such surprises? You all should come to IYE'11, wese. It'd be fun, given that we would be doing something for youth cause. And we all can be become from pen-friends to face-friends too then.

Animals are indeed a lovely creation of God. At times, when I am feeling all down with migraines and stuff, a glance of my Cat does wonders. I love her (Yeah, i don't like saying 'it') and she's the most beautiful face on this mother earth. Guess what? Once you get a female cat then you actually know how it feels to be a parent of a daughter. I don't like my cat going on and hanging around with Male stray cats who are way ugly by the way, and some of them even don't have tails. 0_- And I don't like when my cat calls all her boyfriends on my terrace at nights and sit with them for long. I mean, I don't want my cat to be in some bad company. That's all. Didn't i just sound like your mother? Indeed. And my cat is the hot-bomb of my street. Everyone is after her. In case you wanna have a look:

Yeah, she's smoke grey. Not white, cause whites are just too indifferent. Everyone likes a change. Everyone like to be with someone who's different. Like my cat. Didn't you just fall in love with her?

I am addicted to Invisible by Skylar Grey nowadays. Probably because it goes with my mood.

Our Pakistani Government announced 10 days official holidays for all the educational institutions primarily cause of the Dengue Fever epidemic. And I am hating myself cause i hate having my birthday in holidays, moreover 'dengue' holidays. 

I have stopped eating. Now that doesn't tell I am in love. I am in state of what.. maybe anxiety. I had my MRI scan today in case anyone of you know about it. But that's another story. In another post.

Stop staring at my cat now, you fool. I know she's a BAWMB.

We Had A Journey, That's All That Matters.

Disclaimer: Its actually a missive to my best friend. Read it if you want to, cause it just contains contents of our journey.

I still remember how you and I became best friends. It was a long journey, a year perhaps which with its ups and downs, made the destination even more worth achieving.

College, 2007. Every girl knew you in college, even my dearest ones too cause you had studied with them in school. They used to talk about you, brag about you, backbite you, tell me so many things about you that I had one image of you in my mind i.e. she’s a Bitch.

Exactly. That’s what I had. And then this guy happened, who at first was madly after you, and then happened to be after me, saying all these things nasty about you so that I could throw a yes to him and surrender to what an idiot he was not. But he was an idiot and thank goodness I rattled him off but the things he told me about you, I still believed. Telling me what a crook, wretched, and mind blowing double cross you were. I still believe and I kept on believing that until I met you in real at Anna’s.

Before that, when I saw you first was when we parked around your college to pick up some students and Witch came out jumping off our bus, shouting your name and there you appeared. Tiny, sleek, bony yet wonderful. I never had a slightest thought that this girl, who’s NOW on her way with flying colors to medical profession, she’s gonna be the friend I will get massively fond of.

And yet after two years I met you at Anna’s for the first time. It was amusing indeed, since we both had issues with each other though we hardly knew who were to have issues in the first place anyways. You were being all this taunting and sarcastic and so was I and that too for the mere reason that we had common guy after us and you had notions that he came after you first. HAHAH. GIRLS.

So, after that, the Facebook add which you did and then the mobile number trade, which I did, we paved a way to an everlasting friendship that we believe we’ll have till the last day of ours on this planet. When I finally went to Lahore, your one unexpected call changed almost everything I’d say. We started talking and talking frantically. Clearing those old decayed issues, the misconceptions, the guy who was a desperate, and what common ways he tried to have us, and about friends and everything.

Ramadan 2009. It was indeed the best month I had in my life for it contained you in high proportion. All long night chats and our unwillingness to stop talking contributed to what we are today. Does this happen that people become best of friends living poles apart and just have met for once in real? I hardly think so. But it was like in our stars to meet. I never thought I would actually find someone with whom I could be myself. And tell you what? It’s a huge blessing to find such wonderful person in your life with whom you can be just.. YOU. I could talk and I could talk about anything I want, and hence I trusted you enough to open my life in front of you, cause before that, I met a lot many friends, indeed they were best ones too, but I never found one I could actually share my life with.

And then you happened, and I am thankful to my God that we still are best friends. Though medical is a hard profession but so IS engineering, mind you, I am sure we’ll find a way, sometime this or the other, to make a deal with it. Even though at times, it feels like I have nothing to talk about with you, or that I have other people in my life with whom I can talk to, still you will be the first one to know anything that would happen in my life now and forever.

It’s you who can open up my diary anytime to read whatever the hell you want to from that, cause you know everything that’s written on almost every page of it. Read my in box, evaluate my secrets, I don’t care, because I know, you are my best friend. And best friends are supposed to be the best at knowing you too.

So here I am, wishing you in all words I can.

Happy Birthday, Deeds. You mean a world to me, now and forever. I wish your life be a landscape with all the beautiful things and all the beautiful people you wish for. I wish you a life where all there is to life is, you and your desires. I wish I could tell you what you mean to me. I wish all those people who care for you, come and tell you, for you are a precious thing who ornate their lives in best possible way. I wish you a long life, life free of worries, and full of cakes. I wish I could tell you that I am always here for you, even if you don’t want me to be there. I wish you, a faroooty better than this one. Perhaps, the best one, who deserves you. I know I have been a bitch for a past couple of days but then I had reasons to be so. Hope you understand, like every time. Don’t I sound much emo now? I guess.

It just kinda suited so here it is.

Call me whenever you feel like cause I am always here for you.
And you still are a bitch to me. :)

Love.
The other Bitch.

Dreams That Can Never Be Enough.

Disclaimer: Believe it or not but the below mentioned facts, along with the incident placed are real and no fiction is added or amended.

Dreams. 

Once I believed that dreams are the supernatural creation of God and everyone is not blessed with it but me or maybe some more people. There’s way we mean whenever we talk about dreams. Some people talk about dreams in words of ambitions and goals, while I am talking about dreams as a phenomenon.

A year back I was given this assignment to present on the topic of dreams. Though I thought it wasn’t much of an elaborated topic, I asked my instructor to reconsider the topic but she confined herself and stuck to her word. That day, I actually happened to research about this beautiful phenomenon, this law of nature, this spontaneous bit of pleasure where everything can be anything, where all you want is all you have, where this world is just a place and this life is just a piece, where all your thoughts become a reality. Not every dream actually gives you sense of felicity but grief too. Like watching a death of someone beloved or having met with some accident.

At times you must have realized that you jerk while sleeping, well those are called myclonic jerks. And when you see someone sleeping and their eyes blinking, you should know that they are dreaming.

I read about the phenomenon of Lucid dreams, these are the dreams in which you actually know that you are dreaming and hence, some people who are conscious enough to be able to not wake up knowing also that they are in a dream, are able to control whatever is happening in their dreams. I used to have lucid dreams, a lot of them, but every time I used to realize I was in a dream, I don’t know, my mind wasn’t bright enough to change anything and hence I used to forget that I was dreaming eventually. Last night though, it was different. I was standing in this room where from a distance I could see a door, an opened door, illuminating the room with the bright light. There were some people in my room that I didn’t recognize, but some way I just realized I was dreaming, and thank God, I didn’t forget it. I kept saying the myself like poem that i was dreaming so I won't forget as I started moving towards door. I knew who so ever I would call for, I would encounter. At reaching the door, I realized I was in this university from Karachi, that I probably have never been to before (but I have seen it in the pictures of my friends). So I went out, not forgetting it’s a dream and I can do whatever I want to, I started calling for a friend I really longed to see. While moving from road to another, I kept calling onto her, meanwhile I saw many projections of familiar faces but I knew if I’ll proceed, I’d forget about my dream, so I kept calling while roaming everywhere. And there, behind a branch of this huge tree, I saw her sitting in her yellow dress that is her profile picture on Facebook nowadays. I saw her and I ran to her. I knew she wasn’t real and this whole thing was just a dream, but I hugged her and cried all I wanted to. I cried because I don’t know, maybe it felt right. I cried because there were so many times, I wanted her to be with me but she wasn’t. I held onto her and kept weeping while she made no sound and stood still. And there, her mother showed up and she left. It was all so intense that I actually myself decided to wake up because she was gone. (The moment probably where I forgot I was dreaming, and I could still see her if I wanted to). And the other moment I woke up, and my face wall all blooded with tears and sweat.

And the moment was so impulsive that I just started weeping up to myself. It was the first time I actually had been smart enough to use dream as a medium to meet my loved ones who are far, far away. Sometimes you realize the worth of something, after losing it. And then you have nothing to do about it but just reviving old good memories with that precious "Something". I know, I probably don’t mean as much to her, as much she means to me. I know I shouldn’t be missing her this much, but you always have this friend in life with whom you can be all evil and witchy. She was that one.

Maybe I should be thankful to God for not only providing me with some extraordinary memories of a good friend but dreams too. In which I can meet her. And many others too, who I probably miss a lot.

Good times.

Have fun dreaming. :)

Money is a bitchy drug.

I lost money. And i am in misery.
I know the kaam wali (maid servant) has stolen it. I went right at 7'o clock in the morning downstairs to have breakfast while she cleaned my room and put my bag on the side table.

Can you even imagine the misery i must be going through? When you lose the EIDI you get and when this is the only reason why you wait for EID-ul-Fitr? I feel like pulling off my hair and banging my head in some wall.

And now when I look at her when i know she's the culprit, and I am so damn sure about it, my mom come and says "She's swearing upon God she didn't steal it.."

WILL SHE ACCEPT? Who will say, "Yes I made a fake account on some XXX and put up her/his naked pictures?" NO ONE. So why will she accept? I don't know what to do. I want to deal harsh with her but look at my situation. The sentence by Mom doesn't complete here. She says: "She's swearing upon God she didn't steal it.. ITS ALL YOUR FAULT. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN CAREFUL."

It feels like a broken dream. Like a child given hot chocolate brownie just to smell it. Like trying on Charles & Keith but not having enough money to buy them. Like losing credit in the middle of the text-conversation. Like getting delivered a stale KFC burger. It's like reading Sidney Sheldon and losing book before knowing it's end. It's all so awful.

Well I still have some left but still, the grief of losing something is more than felicity of having something. Agree?

Anyways, how was your Eid? Tell me. Or whatever is going on. I need to take my mind of that money. Listen to Pitterpat - ErinMcCarley. I just came across it and fell in love with it.

P.s: I am away for some while so won't be commenting on your posts much. But i am reading them always. Always! 

Paheli.

EID.

You know what i love about these festivals? Though yeah, at some point, these festivals are just like another day for me, like i was having this debate with a friend last night on the fact that he considers me a complete BORE and inhuman form of a female. Why? Cause i don't like Mehendi. I don't like all dressing up, putting on make up and sitting up like some dummy doll just cause I am supposed to be looking all fresh and good. I don't find anything actually AMAZING which can spark me to enjoy Chaand Raat, unless.

Unless it's all about Food and Cakes and some more food. Unless it's all about Pizza, Chicken Karahi and those continental dinners by Nana (grand father). Otherwise, I don't really have a reason to enjoy it. I swear.

Like it was Eid today, and I slept at 6 in the momring after watching Griffin & Phoenix (I tell you what, it's a nice movie. Especially when you feel like having cancer yourself. Who wants that, yo? I do.) And woke up at dead 12, ate dozen of cheesed nuggets and slept again, while you all can imagine my Mom yelling at me to change and PLEASE change. I did, but not before I had to go out to some relatives. There, as usual, I was embraced with comments like:

"Look at you! All so grown up. :D"
"I think we all should now think about Komal's Marriage" (winks towards by bored/dead/sneer face)
"Who's next number? Its yours!!"
"She's almost 20. Lets talk about some wedding plans now, what say?" (Hee-Hee)
"She's a total copy of her Mum"

Feels like there's either nothing to talk about, or they just want me to blush and say "Aunti? Please. (following a smile pinning with it, blush and shine and bits of giggles perhaps?)
But the obviously awesome part was that I got to eat Pies and Apricot trifles. Hence I busied myself with Food for a while. It was fun, with food. You see, i don't have many my-age-group cousins, so instead of playing hide and seek with them, I prefer spending some quality time with Kitchen and refrigerators. Oh, if there's a library, than it's Awesome. I love reading synopsis of novels and i love borrowing novels and i hate buying them.

So came back, i thought of writing something. It's been long since I actually felt like writing and i did, thank God, today. The dark clouds have passed and i am quite much back to myself. Would be writing some fun posts soon. Though my Shaadi-Fun posts are sarcastic enough no? No. Okay.

Happy Eid to all my Muslim and Non Muslim friends. May God bless you with awesome ideas to write awesome posts in upcoming awesome years. :)

P.s: Since my little cousin asked, and since i felt like an idiot to not yet figure it out, help me with this riddle. It's in Urdu.

Lakri ka ghora
Lohay ki lagaam
Utar aou bibi
Walikum Asalam. 
 
Weird na? I knowwww. 0____0