Of Daylight, FrenchFries & PrankCalls.

I have three quite serious, but somehow amusing stories to share with you today. I had been an idiot for the past couple of weeks reading each beautiful post written by PeeVee, Soumya and Red but still not commenting. Anyways, I am done screwing up things for myself. There are certain fractions of my life going all wrong and uncertain but I am holding onto hope and life. I am holding onto that one streak of light kissing my face while travelling through the chunks of mountain and stones, down where I am standing.

1) At times, we like things without knowing certain facts about them. Cause skimming through them will only create sense of reluctance against those particular things. Like, last week I went to this Dhaba cum Chai Shop in my university who's French fries I LOVE. I've been eating and living on those fries for like a year now until last week I discovered something and I was both astonished and amused by looking at the strength of my stomach muscles to adsorb soap. I went to ChaCha jee to order a plate of fires when I saw him washing fries with SOAP.
I was 0.0
Chacha jee sensed my presence and was *.*
I smiled and still ordered. Cause maybe I am in love with the taste of those fries BECAUSE they contain Zohra Hall (Hostel's name) ka pure-scent-free soap? But the moment my friends came to know about it, they stopped ordering. And hence my visits to hostel have been shortened eversince. See, it would have been better off without knowing that they were too clean to be rather kept as souvenirs. Do you wonder why Theila chaat tastes so mesmerizing or perhaps the shami burger of 40rs? Sometimes, unhygienic food could be so much more tasteful than chicken jalapeño burger from Hardees. Here's to soup wale chips! <3

2) Today, a very odd incident happened and as much as I don't want to tell you, I still want to write about it. I have gone too bold or say rough in the past year. Temperament wise as well nature. So, Mom is driving at 80km/h on the public road when a guy comes by my side and whistles. He's on this bike with a friend and feigning his extra drooling-upon smile while he throws inside this cheap scrap of some matchbox with his number written over it. Now, I don't know what woke up in me all of a sudden that I pulled down my side mirror, threw back his so called number-ki-parchi on his face and yelled "Saaley Kuttey!" on his face. Immediately at that moment I realized, I astonished three people.

a) My Mom, who was blank, with her jaw dropped.
b) The guy (who probably gave me HIS number) with his teeth shut down.
c) The guy (riding the bike) looking at me and wondering which breed of women I belong to.

I have gone very rough. I need to polish some parts of my persona else the time is not too far when I would be whistling to people and throwing numbers on them on B&H scraps.

3) Anyways, sometimes, pranks calls are the irritating ones and I end up picking up and not speaking cause I love wasting people's money who have too much of it to spend on strangers. But at times, they get over your head and all you want is to pick it and and yell at them on the top of your lungs cause mistakenly they called at wrong time; time when your boyfriend was about to call, when you were waiting for your result, when you were on the verge of dozing off after a long day OR when you just got done fighting with a very close friend over issues absurd and unexplainable and when you had just wasted a tear or two cause of horrible exam as well. The same happened yesterday. This guy called. Called again. CALLED AGAIN and i picked up:

Me: ...
TheKEWLguy: Haaailoooo..
Me: Je?
TheKEWLguy: Kesi ho?
Me: Dekho, kia masla hai. Kis'se baat karni hai tumhe?! 
TheKEWLguy: Aaaaaapse? 
Me: TUMHARI SHAKAL BAQWAAAS HAI!
TheKEWLguy: Aaaaapne meri shakal dekhi hai?
Me: DEKHO APNE BAAP KI ZINDAGI PYAARI HAI TOU DAFA HOJAO!
TheKEWLguy: Aaaaap tou ghusa hogai?
Me: Acha Asfand, Imran Khan ki call ayi hai. Aap jao piyaaz bhecho. 

I mean, serrrriously?

Please don't call me while I am weeping. You might come to hear indecent things about your face.

Yes I have gone both random and rough. Every night I get lectures from my dad to bring soft edge to my nature but what's my fault if I bluntly reply to guys who think, they can confuse us or harass us by their moves? I know I need to shave my tongue a little and my head too. But I won't stop reminding these prank callers that their Dads' lives in danger in case they 'try' to tease me.

P.s: I had 85 followers. They decreased to 82. Then 81. 79. Remained 79 for tow days and then 78. Today, I find 80 again. Wow.
P.P.S: Happy Eid to everyone. :D

Valves.

Sometimes, I wish there could've been a way to realize the worth of people when they are with us. Not, when they are done with us. Leaving us. Dying forever.

I wish there could've been enough courage in me to tell that they mean a world to me, that their absence would form a void in my life so strong & wide that i would feel pulled towards the vacuum within myself.

But times are long gone now. And all we are left with is regret. Always.

Moment of Life & Love. Not Death.

‘Should I go out too, Papa?”, I abruptly said while taking ear plugs out.

‘I think’, he said, looking back. 

I looked back through the back screen of my car and all I could see were mountains and height from where, if I fell, my soul would have echoed enough to let the whole world know about it that I died. This deep, the pith fall was.

I opened my car door and stepped out on a twisted steep road where I had to bury my sock fabric deep into asphalt to stand still. I looked at my car and dad, who was not at all worried to not know how to turn the car back now. 

Actually, we wanted to go for Pindi Point and we realized that a bit too late when we are almost descending after having a mini vacation at Lower Topa. Being told by a hilly native, we went for a very narrow and steep way up to Pindi Point. While dad is way good a driver, we didn’t mind the narrowness of the way, at all with our truck cum car. So ascending it again, as I was listening to Maroon 5, there came a moment when I felt something static. There was a very curvy turn which was way too steep and narrow too, but as dad turned the vehicle over from it, we stepped onto sand, on the edge. He pulled the breaks and we stopped right on the turn while our car in an upturn position. Me, and my brothers were pressed hard back on our seats cause we knew breaks couldn’t hold on for much longer, and if they wouldn’t, our car would slide back and break the barrier outlining the steep road, and our car would fall. 

Pa asked my brothers to step out and put stones behind the tires at the back, and there, I woke up from my Maroon 5 dreams and actually analyzed the situation. While I stepped out, I called onto Mama, 

“Mom, you need to step out too. It would lessen the weight’

‘No, I am not’

'Ma, come on yaar!'

Silence. 

I didn’t get why she was being stubborn and not coming out cause apparently it would have made the turning way too easy. She started horsing duas and Kalma while we all three, well me in my socks, kept telling about the margins behind and before the car to make the turning easy. Turning back to the lower road, cause yeah, we realized the road was too steep to climb with our car. 

‘Okay, step in now’, Papa said, finally.

And we three sat in and drove away to descend again. 

                                   Yeah, the people who just told me to live and left love, a choice for me.

I didn’t realize it why Mama didn't step out unless I sat down with hot head to ask her, why she was being stubborn. I don't know how it could be so easy to put your life in danger too, for someone you so are in love with, or apparently you are supposed to be. I say, I can put my life in danger for my parents and perhaps I will, but at situations like these, I realize that the love I have for them can NEVER be compared to what they have for each other. Perhaps, I will call my emotion, affection maybe. The event was small in kind, but made me realize, that it's not so hard, to fall in love with a stranger at last, you are married to.

Approaching Lights.

Did you ever try to have a look through back screen of your car at night, while waiting for the signal to turn green from red? You'll see clusters of lights approaching. Lights of different vehicles approaching you. If you shun your yes, you'll see them amalgamating into one luminous beam. While looking at those cluster of yellow sparks, you can never measure how far they are, and how long will they take to reach you. But as you blink once or twice, here they will be. Vehicles, stopping one by one beside yours one, like falling stars. And, there you will realize, time runs with inexplicable speed.  

The moment when all so spontaneously, you and your siblings start to sing the song along once it's playing from the favorite part of the chorus. Eventually you stop singing like the moment never happened. And the moment is gone. The moment when you are waiting to meet a friend all so anxiously for months, and there you meet her. And the next day, all you are left with is amazement how time can turn you so blind. The moment an awesome day can turn into pathetic one by a shot of a statement without even letting you have a chance to stop it.

I had been waiting for this Declamation Competition for so long. Perhaps that I didn't even realize that it was almost a month since I came to know about it and tomorrow is the final day and I am still without a speech. I sat on Word and tried typing but nothing came flowing in. Deleted. Typed again. And finally shut down the laptop before the frustrations hovered. I knew I would screw up tomorrow so I kept on changing sides to sleep but couldn't.

Mobile buzzed.

Text: "Would you want to participate with us in this Robotic Competition?"

Now THAT quietened me even more. Cause honestly, I am not that technical sort of engineer. I would rather spend my life studying than working. I didn't know what to go for. And with the help of two of my friends, I went for the latter one. Though I didn't know how long it would take me to consider the circuit designing, how the comparator works and how would I have to burn the program in that IC. Nights evaporated over our head and Days skimmed through, and we kept on working to make on Line-Tracker Robot that was supposed to follow this one white curved line in whole of an arena. With despair and a little but of chilly hope, we kept on working and one day I woke up and realized it was Today. Final day to strike the final move.
We went. We screwed up our circuit there. We recalibrated it. Rebuild it in an hour. Re did it all over again. And there we were, out of 30, we passed to quarter finals.
The feelings of being praised over a talent and praised over a skill are WAY DIFFERENT from each other. I didn't realize that the day was over, and Robot was all gone, and fun was all deep in some pith of memory chamber of my head, until I found myself typing about it, now.

I can see, that the moments most awaited vanish as fast as they can, to go un noticed, totally. Just like the approaching lights. I didn't realize when the signal turned green and all lights beside and behind me were gone. Didn't realize that we, the bunch of 8 brains, stopped signing the song in chorus of fun, while our Robot's speed reduced to lesser than a snail's. Fun times vanish so soon, right? i already miss the afternoon and the voices we made when our robot struggled to run.

The moment is long gone.
Like many moments, I yearn to re live again.
Many, many and many of them.
I wish I could measure how long it will take the lights to approach me, so that I could prepare myself to live the awaited moment to it's fullest. Perhaps I did. Maybe, I could have more.


And Yes, you can call me an engineer now.

Please look me in the eye and say "You don't care".

Have you ever gone through a seminar, lecture or sermon where the one who's raping the stage is one not speaking words of wisdom but concentrating more upon the 'kind' of words departing from his mouth? Let me give you an example.

You are sitting in a class of Maths and you are being taught Ratio and Proportion.
Normal teacher is supposed to say: So, ratio means quantity of one thing with respect to another. 
My teacher would say: So, the esteemed chapter of ratio which plays more than a hypothetically helpful role in history of Mathematics explains how two shells of different volume can float on water and how you, and I can compare our ages with each other. 

Now tell me, is that MY fault if I bang my head up on my table cause I just couldn't take it and slept instinctively? I sleep for two hours and still score the highest cause I am capable of self-studying, but what about those who just come and attend the class cause they don't get the Latin of the book? There are so many students in every institution who can't speak in English let alone understand it and then you use this flowery English in Ratio and Proportion and expect us not to flunk in it? The thing is, we've gone into the pith of inferiority complex. We want to live a life where we speak in impeccable English, where we wear Dolces and Gabana and where we can flaunt about how many English novels from English writers have we read.

Seriously.
People feel elevated if they tell, they read Dan Brown or J.K Rowling. But if somebody tells I read Umaira Ahmed, they just back off. I've been there, that's why I know.

Now I have this teacher who's more concerned about her English than the 'Instrumentation and Measurements" she's teaching us. So most of the times, my lectures are full of incomplete sentences like:

-Signal has noises otherwise..
-Humidity disturbs the rotating signal of?
-GOOGLE PLAY AND BACKLASH KOMAL!
-ZzzZzZz.
-Magnetic arrangements..
-Something about teeth.

God help me.

I am sick of sitting in the class just for bloody attendance. I am sick of people who are just there to flaunt about things so useless. I am sick of hypocrisy and I am sick of seeing my country people being a victims of inferiority complex. I am sick of people who listen to English Music just cause it's classy and not our own Coke Studio. I am sick of gazes of people with high necks when they see a girl coming from FSC and not A/O levels. I want you all to look me in the eye and howl YOU DON'T CARE!!

Teachers are supposed to be concerned with the understanding of the knowledge they are sharing with their students and not about their clothes or complexion or stammering or ENGLISH. I want to understand what's the different between that goddamn thermocouple and thermistor.

And oh, I guess I gotta share these two out of the world tracks with you that I am crazy about nowadays. Both are form Vampire Diaries if any of you watches it. It's AWESOME if compared with Twilight.

And another intense addiction which I can't get enough of nowadays.

P.s: My MRI results said that I can never sleep with a pillow for the rest of my life cause there's thign weak area in my neck by birth.
P.P.S: I still haven't got dengue, shuker Allah ka.
P.P.P.S: My birthday was a BLAST. Awesome wala BLAST.

DadnDaughter'z Convoz #1.

Me: Dad, why do people put so many dots in texts? 
Papa: Why you asking?
Me: I don't see the point, maybe that's why?
Papa: Oh. Well that is to show that we are thinking even while we are texting. 

Enlightening, no?

My Last Message: As a Teenager.

Did you regret when you realized you can no longer climb onto your dad’s lap just cause you are all adult now? Did you regret when you realized that it’s time you were expected to wash your dad’s car cause now you are 18 and it’s time you should take up to your responsibilities? Did you regret when you started getting taunts like ‘So, we’re soon going to hear the wedding bells, haawn? ;)’ from aunties just cause you are now 5’6 and all grown up? Did you regret when throwing water on the table during dinner became a sin and not a mistake cause you were adult? Did you indeed regret when you actually realized that it’s your last day of teenage and all the past days you didn’t care to worth each day just cause time is such a big double-cross?

I love where I am today. But a part of me just don’t want to let go of calling my self a teenager. There wasn’t anything special about it indeed but now, when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t know if I ever want to leave my teenage ever. I just want to die and end it but not hit the big 20. I mean what the hell? Why can’t we realize the worth of something until we lose it? Like worth of a friend you lost but not when you had him? Like worth of a chocolate you ate but not when you were tearing the wrapper off? Like a rollercoaster ride which ends up in just matter of those awesome-st 3 minutes? :/ I want to live one more teenage year to do all those things I could do and amaze the world like Hannah Montana did at 16? I always used to envy her cause I was 17 and she was popular and I didn’t have one facebook ka fan page. Not even now I have it. But still. :p

To save you from wondering what bull I am talking about it, it’s my birthday in a while and I am just enjoying some last minutes of teenage doing the most memorable thing I can so that I can read it when I am 20 and wipe the flood of tears that rule my pupils. You won’t stop reading it right?

I had enough of fun in my life passed but I still wanted to change some of the parts. Like when my bus mates asked me to secretly hangout at some ‘Halwa Purri shop’ in the morning and skip college but I didn’t cause my lectures were important to me. -_-

Like not letting them skip me the academy I went to only for 1 week cause I finally found something I was looking for? Like not letting myself frustrate when I got 2^nd in my college finals but instead I should have been celebrating? Like started blogging before and not in July just cause I thought I would make a fool of myself and sound lame to other bloggers? Like not feeling inferior in English class when I still couldn’t speak in English even though I was 16 already? Like hitting Miss Nilofer and bulling her on her face when she embaarassed me in front of the whole class by saying ‘You know what Komal? You can never be good in and AT English. Mark my words. YOU ARE A FAILURE!’

I am not boring you right? There is so much I want to talk about tonight. Right now, with you all. Seriously. I don’t want you to comment or anything but just read it okay?

Yes, I wish I could change somethings back then and not waste my time pursuing high grades but instead enjoying my life a little bit MORE. How the hell I reached on the verge of 19 and still haven’t done anything that may imprint my name in the world even if I die tomorrow cause of some hot seductive dengue mosquitoes who can’t get enough of my blood cause as Edward Cullen says ‘Your blood is like a druuug to me’ to that stupid-stupid-stupid Kristen Stewart. (I think Dakota Fanning or even Emma Watson would’ve been a good choice for Isabella Swan cause Bella isn’t a bad character but Stewart made her look LAME)

I just got done with cleaning the whole kitchen cause Mama isn’t home and she would be mad if she comes and sees the kitchen still unclean cause the Rubeena bitch just ditched us in the morning, and hence I am, as the 20 years old already to my parents, is expected to take up the charge. I mean, doesn’t it suck being 20? It DOES.

I expected a lot of surprises this birthday even though I knew no one was gonna give me that. I hate seeing my other friends in Karachi getting surprises from all of their friends from night to noon and I still persuade everyone to surprise me cause I just LOVE surprises! I know it’s lame of me, or it sounds lame (just cause I am 20 now, right?) to insist everyone around to surprise me cause they don’t, all by themselves. :P I had some f the crazy birthdays back then, and indeed my friends had surprised me so many times with videos, slideshows, long notes, parcels across city, cards, pictures, and some silly dares on my birthday presents, I would be a total bitch if I would not be thankful to them for that, but the surprise I loved the MOST was from my parents on night when I turned 18 and they came up with a Remington ka straightner that I loved a few weeks back but since it was too expensive so I didn’t buy it. (Just like typical filmy scnes when girl likes the ring and can’t afford it and the next day, guy comes up with the same ring:p) But tonight, since the environment of home isn’t much like it is always (You know, post days of some parents-vs-children fight), I don’t expect it to be one of those awesome-st birthdays. Many of my friends including my best friend innocently asked me on my Facebook wall if it’d be okay if he doesn’t surprise me this time and I was like ‘It’s alright man’. A friend last night asked the same and I said it’d be okay cause you know what? It’d be okay. Not every birthday has to be a blassst. So what I wanted this one to be the most special one cause I am turning 20 on 20^th of September? I mean the 20-20 coincidence. I sound like a girl being turned down by a rhistay wala guy, no? :P 

I will always miss you teen age but at some part of my life, I know, I will learn to move on.

Okay. I am gonna stop talking cause I think, most of you would already have skipped half of the shit I said cause it’s just too long a note man, and everybody hates to read LONG-POSTS! I do too, but not always.

Ab wish karna hai tou achi tarha se wish karna, acha?! (If you feel like wishing me, wish me properly. And a bit differently, not the ‘I wish you get all dreams fulfilled, may you live long’ type crap. >.<

P.s: I love Twitter now cause I get to tweet with Aceytlcholine, Ifra Khaliq, Mahnoor Babar and Hamza bin Ladin/Hamid urf @Baqwaas all the time, I mean I you guys are just awesome.

P.P.S: I am starting Glee now. Chuck and Full Metal next on the list.

P.P.P.S: Happy Birthday to Memona ka chota bhai and Ather Javed. Ather, look at us. We made it to 3years of sibling-ship. Who expected a sarial like me would befriend you? :D God bless you.

Isn't she a BAWMB?

Life is being too sticky nowadays. I don't know if know it's me or does it really happen that once you're feeling distracted and frustrated, all posts on blogger seem to sound like that? Or perhaps you only come across such blogs which add to your depression.

They say I am good at frustrating people, and indeed I am. But here's my theory; What would you do if the one who frustrated you talk to you as if nothing has happened? Obviously you won't like to sound like ":D" but rather "-_-".

Well there's a lot going on and I am pissed off at my own self. Cause i tried to be judgmental and i blew it. I am a terrible judge, i would comment. There are things that matter and their are things to which we matter. I just went for the former one. Always. Which, by the way, sounds normal, actually kinda sucks.

Reasons are lame. For instance, I feel invisible now. Even I am sitting between them, I feel as if I am somewhere else. As if, the place I want to be is yet to be discovered and hence I am in the state of incessant limbo. I don't want to talk to anyone yet I want everyone to talk to me. I don't want to tell anyone what's going on in my head yet I want them to figure it all out themselves. I heard a friend saying today 'I am gonna stay away from her cause she might leave in January and then it'd be too difficult for me here to stay without her'. I get it when people try to stay away from you just cause they are addicted to you but that doesn't mean you start hurting them with your 'stay-away' strategies.

And then I have this fight over cake with my brother. Why? Cause he isn't letting me have the piece having one sticky cherry stuck on it. My parents fight with me cause they are concerned with eye bags hanging below by eyes and my cheek bones getting more bony. Am i depleting? I would love to die on my own birthday, did i tell you that ever? And I am now the Class Representative of my batch which I love to be, to be honest. But here comes another issue; Class wants to make a guy next to Class Representative, who is, if you ask me, a complete asshole. And the thing is, now it's like whole class is conspiring against me (along with some people who are supporting me but are too less in count.) But I can't let him be that, cause he's a complete crook guy who will get over my head if given power. Why am i telling you THIS now?

And you know WHAT? Some days back I applied for this sponsorship half halfheartedly so that I could be spared 15,000 in case I want to join International Youth Expo. I was supposed to write about my poor situations and reasons I couldn't afford paying full fee- so i lied. Lied at some parts, well. And two days after, I GOT THE SPONSORSHIP. I mean don't you just love such surprises? You all should come to IYE'11, wese. It'd be fun, given that we would be doing something for youth cause. And we all can be become from pen-friends to face-friends too then.

Animals are indeed a lovely creation of God. At times, when I am feeling all down with migraines and stuff, a glance of my Cat does wonders. I love her (Yeah, i don't like saying 'it') and she's the most beautiful face on this mother earth. Guess what? Once you get a female cat then you actually know how it feels to be a parent of a daughter. I don't like my cat going on and hanging around with Male stray cats who are way ugly by the way, and some of them even don't have tails. 0_- And I don't like when my cat calls all her boyfriends on my terrace at nights and sit with them for long. I mean, I don't want my cat to be in some bad company. That's all. Didn't i just sound like your mother? Indeed. And my cat is the hot-bomb of my street. Everyone is after her. In case you wanna have a look:

Yeah, she's smoke grey. Not white, cause whites are just too indifferent. Everyone likes a change. Everyone like to be with someone who's different. Like my cat. Didn't you just fall in love with her?

I am addicted to Invisible by Skylar Grey nowadays. Probably because it goes with my mood.

Our Pakistani Government announced 10 days official holidays for all the educational institutions primarily cause of the Dengue Fever epidemic. And I am hating myself cause i hate having my birthday in holidays, moreover 'dengue' holidays. 

I have stopped eating. Now that doesn't tell I am in love. I am in state of what.. maybe anxiety. I had my MRI scan today in case anyone of you know about it. But that's another story. In another post.

Stop staring at my cat now, you fool. I know she's a BAWMB.

We Had A Journey, That's All That Matters.

Disclaimer: Its actually a missive to my best friend. Read it if you want to, cause it just contains contents of our journey.

I still remember how you and I became best friends. It was a long journey, a year perhaps which with its ups and downs, made the destination even more worth achieving.

College, 2007. Every girl knew you in college, even my dearest ones too cause you had studied with them in school. They used to talk about you, brag about you, backbite you, tell me so many things about you that I had one image of you in my mind i.e. she’s a Bitch.

Exactly. That’s what I had. And then this guy happened, who at first was madly after you, and then happened to be after me, saying all these things nasty about you so that I could throw a yes to him and surrender to what an idiot he was not. But he was an idiot and thank goodness I rattled him off but the things he told me about you, I still believed. Telling me what a crook, wretched, and mind blowing double cross you were. I still believe and I kept on believing that until I met you in real at Anna’s.

Before that, when I saw you first was when we parked around your college to pick up some students and Witch came out jumping off our bus, shouting your name and there you appeared. Tiny, sleek, bony yet wonderful. I never had a slightest thought that this girl, who’s NOW on her way with flying colors to medical profession, she’s gonna be the friend I will get massively fond of.

And yet after two years I met you at Anna’s for the first time. It was amusing indeed, since we both had issues with each other though we hardly knew who were to have issues in the first place anyways. You were being all this taunting and sarcastic and so was I and that too for the mere reason that we had common guy after us and you had notions that he came after you first. HAHAH. GIRLS.

So, after that, the Facebook add which you did and then the mobile number trade, which I did, we paved a way to an everlasting friendship that we believe we’ll have till the last day of ours on this planet. When I finally went to Lahore, your one unexpected call changed almost everything I’d say. We started talking and talking frantically. Clearing those old decayed issues, the misconceptions, the guy who was a desperate, and what common ways he tried to have us, and about friends and everything.

Ramadan 2009. It was indeed the best month I had in my life for it contained you in high proportion. All long night chats and our unwillingness to stop talking contributed to what we are today. Does this happen that people become best of friends living poles apart and just have met for once in real? I hardly think so. But it was like in our stars to meet. I never thought I would actually find someone with whom I could be myself. And tell you what? It’s a huge blessing to find such wonderful person in your life with whom you can be just.. YOU. I could talk and I could talk about anything I want, and hence I trusted you enough to open my life in front of you, cause before that, I met a lot many friends, indeed they were best ones too, but I never found one I could actually share my life with.

And then you happened, and I am thankful to my God that we still are best friends. Though medical is a hard profession but so IS engineering, mind you, I am sure we’ll find a way, sometime this or the other, to make a deal with it. Even though at times, it feels like I have nothing to talk about with you, or that I have other people in my life with whom I can talk to, still you will be the first one to know anything that would happen in my life now and forever.

It’s you who can open up my diary anytime to read whatever the hell you want to from that, cause you know everything that’s written on almost every page of it. Read my in box, evaluate my secrets, I don’t care, because I know, you are my best friend. And best friends are supposed to be the best at knowing you too.

So here I am, wishing you in all words I can.

Happy Birthday, Deeds. You mean a world to me, now and forever. I wish your life be a landscape with all the beautiful things and all the beautiful people you wish for. I wish you a life where all there is to life is, you and your desires. I wish I could tell you what you mean to me. I wish all those people who care for you, come and tell you, for you are a precious thing who ornate their lives in best possible way. I wish you a long life, life free of worries, and full of cakes. I wish I could tell you that I am always here for you, even if you don’t want me to be there. I wish you, a faroooty better than this one. Perhaps, the best one, who deserves you. I know I have been a bitch for a past couple of days but then I had reasons to be so. Hope you understand, like every time. Don’t I sound much emo now? I guess.

It just kinda suited so here it is.

Call me whenever you feel like cause I am always here for you.
And you still are a bitch to me. :)

Love.
The other Bitch.

Dreams That Can Never Be Enough.

Disclaimer: Believe it or not but the below mentioned facts, along with the incident placed are real and no fiction is added or amended.

Dreams. 

Once I believed that dreams are the supernatural creation of God and everyone is not blessed with it but me or maybe some more people. There’s way we mean whenever we talk about dreams. Some people talk about dreams in words of ambitions and goals, while I am talking about dreams as a phenomenon.

A year back I was given this assignment to present on the topic of dreams. Though I thought it wasn’t much of an elaborated topic, I asked my instructor to reconsider the topic but she confined herself and stuck to her word. That day, I actually happened to research about this beautiful phenomenon, this law of nature, this spontaneous bit of pleasure where everything can be anything, where all you want is all you have, where this world is just a place and this life is just a piece, where all your thoughts become a reality. Not every dream actually gives you sense of felicity but grief too. Like watching a death of someone beloved or having met with some accident.

At times you must have realized that you jerk while sleeping, well those are called myclonic jerks. And when you see someone sleeping and their eyes blinking, you should know that they are dreaming.

I read about the phenomenon of Lucid dreams, these are the dreams in which you actually know that you are dreaming and hence, some people who are conscious enough to be able to not wake up knowing also that they are in a dream, are able to control whatever is happening in their dreams. I used to have lucid dreams, a lot of them, but every time I used to realize I was in a dream, I don’t know, my mind wasn’t bright enough to change anything and hence I used to forget that I was dreaming eventually. Last night though, it was different. I was standing in this room where from a distance I could see a door, an opened door, illuminating the room with the bright light. There were some people in my room that I didn’t recognize, but some way I just realized I was dreaming, and thank God, I didn’t forget it. I kept saying the myself like poem that i was dreaming so I won't forget as I started moving towards door. I knew who so ever I would call for, I would encounter. At reaching the door, I realized I was in this university from Karachi, that I probably have never been to before (but I have seen it in the pictures of my friends). So I went out, not forgetting it’s a dream and I can do whatever I want to, I started calling for a friend I really longed to see. While moving from road to another, I kept calling onto her, meanwhile I saw many projections of familiar faces but I knew if I’ll proceed, I’d forget about my dream, so I kept calling while roaming everywhere. And there, behind a branch of this huge tree, I saw her sitting in her yellow dress that is her profile picture on Facebook nowadays. I saw her and I ran to her. I knew she wasn’t real and this whole thing was just a dream, but I hugged her and cried all I wanted to. I cried because I don’t know, maybe it felt right. I cried because there were so many times, I wanted her to be with me but she wasn’t. I held onto her and kept weeping while she made no sound and stood still. And there, her mother showed up and she left. It was all so intense that I actually myself decided to wake up because she was gone. (The moment probably where I forgot I was dreaming, and I could still see her if I wanted to). And the other moment I woke up, and my face wall all blooded with tears and sweat.

And the moment was so impulsive that I just started weeping up to myself. It was the first time I actually had been smart enough to use dream as a medium to meet my loved ones who are far, far away. Sometimes you realize the worth of something, after losing it. And then you have nothing to do about it but just reviving old good memories with that precious "Something". I know, I probably don’t mean as much to her, as much she means to me. I know I shouldn’t be missing her this much, but you always have this friend in life with whom you can be all evil and witchy. She was that one.

Maybe I should be thankful to God for not only providing me with some extraordinary memories of a good friend but dreams too. In which I can meet her. And many others too, who I probably miss a lot.

Good times.

Have fun dreaming. :)

Money is a bitchy drug.

I lost money. And i am in misery.
I know the kaam wali (maid servant) has stolen it. I went right at 7'o clock in the morning downstairs to have breakfast while she cleaned my room and put my bag on the side table.

Can you even imagine the misery i must be going through? When you lose the EIDI you get and when this is the only reason why you wait for EID-ul-Fitr? I feel like pulling off my hair and banging my head in some wall.

And now when I look at her when i know she's the culprit, and I am so damn sure about it, my mom come and says "She's swearing upon God she didn't steal it.."

WILL SHE ACCEPT? Who will say, "Yes I made a fake account on some XXX and put up her/his naked pictures?" NO ONE. So why will she accept? I don't know what to do. I want to deal harsh with her but look at my situation. The sentence by Mom doesn't complete here. She says: "She's swearing upon God she didn't steal it.. ITS ALL YOUR FAULT. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN CAREFUL."

It feels like a broken dream. Like a child given hot chocolate brownie just to smell it. Like trying on Charles & Keith but not having enough money to buy them. Like losing credit in the middle of the text-conversation. Like getting delivered a stale KFC burger. It's like reading Sidney Sheldon and losing book before knowing it's end. It's all so awful.

Well I still have some left but still, the grief of losing something is more than felicity of having something. Agree?

Anyways, how was your Eid? Tell me. Or whatever is going on. I need to take my mind of that money. Listen to Pitterpat - ErinMcCarley. I just came across it and fell in love with it.

P.s: I am away for some while so won't be commenting on your posts much. But i am reading them always. Always! 

Paheli.

EID.

You know what i love about these festivals? Though yeah, at some point, these festivals are just like another day for me, like i was having this debate with a friend last night on the fact that he considers me a complete BORE and inhuman form of a female. Why? Cause i don't like Mehendi. I don't like all dressing up, putting on make up and sitting up like some dummy doll just cause I am supposed to be looking all fresh and good. I don't find anything actually AMAZING which can spark me to enjoy Chaand Raat, unless.

Unless it's all about Food and Cakes and some more food. Unless it's all about Pizza, Chicken Karahi and those continental dinners by Nana (grand father). Otherwise, I don't really have a reason to enjoy it. I swear.

Like it was Eid today, and I slept at 6 in the momring after watching Griffin & Phoenix (I tell you what, it's a nice movie. Especially when you feel like having cancer yourself. Who wants that, yo? I do.) And woke up at dead 12, ate dozen of cheesed nuggets and slept again, while you all can imagine my Mom yelling at me to change and PLEASE change. I did, but not before I had to go out to some relatives. There, as usual, I was embraced with comments like:

"Look at you! All so grown up. :D"
"I think we all should now think about Komal's Marriage" (winks towards by bored/dead/sneer face)
"Who's next number? Its yours!!"
"She's almost 20. Lets talk about some wedding plans now, what say?" (Hee-Hee)
"She's a total copy of her Mum"

Feels like there's either nothing to talk about, or they just want me to blush and say "Aunti? Please. (following a smile pinning with it, blush and shine and bits of giggles perhaps?)
But the obviously awesome part was that I got to eat Pies and Apricot trifles. Hence I busied myself with Food for a while. It was fun, with food. You see, i don't have many my-age-group cousins, so instead of playing hide and seek with them, I prefer spending some quality time with Kitchen and refrigerators. Oh, if there's a library, than it's Awesome. I love reading synopsis of novels and i love borrowing novels and i hate buying them.

So came back, i thought of writing something. It's been long since I actually felt like writing and i did, thank God, today. The dark clouds have passed and i am quite much back to myself. Would be writing some fun posts soon. Though my Shaadi-Fun posts are sarcastic enough no? No. Okay.

Happy Eid to all my Muslim and Non Muslim friends. May God bless you with awesome ideas to write awesome posts in upcoming awesome years. :)

P.s: Since my little cousin asked, and since i felt like an idiot to not yet figure it out, help me with this riddle. It's in Urdu.

Lakri ka ghora
Lohay ki lagaam
Utar aou bibi
Walikum Asalam. 
 
Weird na? I knowwww. 0____0  

'Coz Laughing NOT hurts?

I know it's been a while since I've blogged but the thing is i am having one of those low days in which writing seems likes a cumbersome job. But anyways, i would write about what I desperately want to feel. Cause you know what, mates? You realize the worth of something once you stop having it. Once it's gone, even though for a while. And for now, what I miss the most, and though it might sound corny to some people out there, is Laughing.

I LOVE TO LAUGH. And sometimes, just for the sake of it, I have been founded laughing at the situations damn serious. Like once my mother was yelling at me for keeping the font of her presentation 'Ariel' but i was stuck with 'Times New Roman' cause i just love it, I started laughing. I couldn't control it. And she just stopped and gave me those looks which can slice the hardest stone in two, but i just could not stop it. Other time, on dining table, while Dad was discussing some serious finance issue with Mom, i started laughing cause everything was getting too serious and I can't eat Biryani with that mood on the table. And yet again, i was welcomed with those stern looks.

At times, i don't know how it happens or if it has happened with you, but you just can't stop it. It comes from within. Like lamest jokes seems the most hilarious one. My brother, the youngest one sometimes delight us with his jokes that we find hard to laugh at but in such serious situations when people especially parents don't want you to laugh, or that's just irritating them, you happen to can't control laughing at your brother's silly jokes. Situations when my friends start to cry, I start to laugh and give the most informal/discourteous/insensitive impression. I don't know how it happens or, maybe like Chandler Bing from F.R.I.E.N.D.S said

"Hello i am Chandler and I make jokes when I am uncomfortable''. 

But at times, not even the stand up comedy by Dane Cook can make you laugh.

Hope this period doesn't prevail for long. I hate loopholes in the smooth going of my life.

P.s: I am grateful to Soumya for honoring me by putting my name in one of her sweet posts. Thanks a million. You know what i love about her blog besides writing? How can she come up with such a genius abbreviation of LOL. Awesome.

Now who talks about AGE in Facebook World.

Do you sometimes realize that we are all aging and aging fast and all of sudden one day you'd realize there're more people who still don't know what Blogging means and what are the spellings of Diarrhea, while were all these people in the first place?

I still don't believe that i stepped into Blogger one damn day thinking how could people have all time in the world to even bother to write you know, about their lives and their happenings? And it's now that my Mozilla is up with 34tabs of all the bloggers cause its just so much intriguing and fun reading about people and their thoughts cause they so resemble with our lives. My friends still think i am insane to have enormously switched from Facebook to Blogger, but they don't know what i am talking about, yo? :P

I stepped into University life two years back and when i see the juniors coming in, i remember my time. I remember how i feared the change. How i feared people calling me a grown up, how i feared actually thinking about my future, how i feared choosing one path out of hundreds and how i feared the last few years of fun. I feared how it would all end so soon while talking to outgoing seniors, and i feared the ragging. I feared all of the stacks of books and i feared.. just aging. But now. I look at my juniors, worried about their grades and about if they would be able to score GPA above 3.0. Hahah. It amuses me to see them studying all the damn time when they can just enjoy, but then i had been to that time once. And i find myself stupid to worry about grades so much then, when i could study at last minutes too. It just amuses me so much, that now, they are the ones victims of Calculus and damn Fourier Series. :p

I see my brothers now asking me to teach them about Work, Power and Energy. I see my childhood photographs and my tiny toes. I look at my pictures all so intently cause that's me in there. And now i am the one, holding one of those pictures of mine. With big toes, now. I look at faces new on Facebook, for them Facebook is their world while we all were Orkut people sometime back. Soon there will be Google+ people and we'll be the oldest to know about Orkut. 

Time flies. Vanishes. Like in a blink of an eye. The gone moment, it's never coming back. Ever. Devour every piece of chocolate you eat, therefore.

I am aging and there are so many things i STILL have to do. Like reading Harry Potter. Like reading Forest Gump. Following series of Pirates of Caribbean. Each Nachos. Listen to Teenage Dream by Katy Perry. Making a collage of pictures for my wall. Wearing jeans. Studying circuits, once more. Write a book. Get into some foreign university. Buy a DSLR. Boy i am from some stone ages, no? :p

The past few days had been both very enchanting and down for me. For the fact that i sleep now for 14hours from 24, obviously proves the reason why i am feeling all so down. And this post too. That tells i have nothing to do then to think about me.. aging self. Wow. But the reasons for feeling up had been numerous. Starting from a friend unexpectedly coming over, to being recognized by blog mates all so suddenly. So yeah, a big Thanks goes to all of you.

Ovais. Ifra. Priyanka. Ezazi and Ateeq. You guys are like friends without faces. No, seriously. And it's fun sometimes, you know. And sometimes it's more worth the friendship without faces but words.

I know. I talk a lot. And i talk.. to myself most of the time.

P.s: Welcome to the new followers! :))
P.P.s: I am done with LOST ka season 4. :P

Ma&Me take#2.

A profound sorta lecture going on my Anger Management where a moment reaches like:

Ma: Beta itna ghusa agey ki zindagi ke liyey acha nai.
Me: Ma, now don't say, Shaaadi wali zindagi ke liyey.
Ma: Ofcourse, shaadi wali zindagi ke liyey.

And the same conversation of almost every house here, repeat all over again. Amazing.

The 7 momentz.

Sometimes when you lie down and scribble back through the pages of your history, you realize that there had been so many times when you expected something to happen your way, and it went some other. At times you expected you would never make it, but you did, all so unexpectedly. Those moments when recollected and re winded, always bring you to a space where all you can do is believe in God, because actually He is the one directing your film, which you, by the way it look, consider a complete flop, but actually is something more than extraordinary. The moment i stepped into Blogger, I thought i wouldn't ever be able to make it, that i would never be able to write what i think, and that i would never actually earn so much respect an regard from people that i haven't seen the faces of and who probably don't live next door. It brings back my faith to believe in myself. I see people ranting about not having followers, i say i have the best followers cause it doesn't matter however much the number is your minions, the fact it, who actually cares to read what you publish, after thinking about thousand and one ideas to write.

So, coming back to what i actually felt like writing today was, my best moments of life, that i could actually recall while i was lying down and thinking about all those times, which we all so don't care to give damn about, in our normal like just cause WE ARE SO DAMN BUSY ENVYING OTHER FOLLOWERS and perhaps WORKING?

I managed to strike upon those 7 moments that i think i treasure, or maybe they just came right into my mind, when i start figuring out my best moments. So given 20 minutes before i crashed, these were the moments which hit me like a bolt.

1. Ramazan'09, that one unexpected call from a friend, i disliked, i loathed, and i never thought i would ever find right talking to, that call changed us, and changed us to the point that we are best friends now. Maybe, best is just mere a word. - Rida.

2. 18th September'08, right 2days before my birthday, my friend Imad called me up, and there i listened to the whole birthday song from my school friends living in another province while i was in Karachi. I couldn't happen to breathe. Amazing.

3. August'08. I was in my bus, and the result was on the screen at fbise.edu.pk right at 2.00pm in front of my father. A guy called out my name while i had put hands over my ears for i expected my marks not that regard able given i be the topper of college, he shouted 'MAN, YOU ACED IT WITH 483!!'. Not believing what he said, i just hugged my the then rival so tightly that her capillaries jammed. And the moment took away with it, the despair and the rivalry both.

4. March'11, i was sitting in my Probability and Statistics ki class, and my brother called. And he was shouting 'MY SISTER IS GOING TO USA!!!!!' while riding on some no man's bike all around the liberty Lahore. Cause in the first place, i thought i wouldn't be selected. It just a selection btw in case you don't know check here. :p

5. July'06. I feared my Dad would be retired for he had thoughts that he wouldn't be given rank, and so my mom started scrutinizing us for the civil life from military, which at that moment, i wanted THE LEAST. And right after the night, i slept weeping quietly praying God, he swoops one of his magic wands and just change whatever is obvious, WAS THE DAY WHERE THERE WERE CAKES AND CAKES OF CELEBRATION AT MY PLACE! 

6. April'06 while stepping into a room full of strange faces just cause i was wearing an odd uniform that day of my own school and not theirs. I never planned, dreamed or even imagined that those faces, are going to be my most endeared bunch of snobs/brats/partners in crime/best friends.

7. December'09. Two hours of walk with a complete stranger just cause he was from my debating group, and cause my own friends ditched me for straightening their hair in hostel. That guy, is one of my closest friends now.


What you plan, what you expect, and what you dream are three different things. God is one who decides which one to choose. He made his choice in all of my moments. He made choices in yours too. And i love this way of God surprising me in every phase. Cause you know what? Surprises give you both heart attacks and a moment filled with purest form of happiness.

P.s: Apologies for the long talkative post.
P.P.s: I feel honored and hugely encouraged by the award presented by poles apart blog mate Ovais here and the border line Asian sister Priyanka, for mentioning my name in her amazing blog. There blogs are like very easy to read. The life of theirs in their way. :)
P.P.s: I am done with LOST ka season 3. :D

Dude, don't you like, love HORROR MOVIES?

8am. Exactly 4 hours before I have gone to sleep,  my kaam-wali wakes me up just cause she had to clean my room, and then I could not be able to sleep cause it just happened to ditch me right after my kaam-wali left. (In case you wanna know, people know her by name Shabnam. I wish i had a name like such. Sitara, Youm, Aftab.. maybe Chaand?) Damn it sometimes friggin hard to go to sleep again, though my head was pounding and i had a migraine, still I couldn't just happened to dream.

Does anyone of you can dream what they want to dream? Cause I can. I dream enormously, and now I can actually dream what I want to dream of. Most of the time, you know. Just needs exercise. :p

So, since I couldn't sleep, I planned to watch a movie. And that wouldnt be some stupid chick flick, or action, thriller one. It'd be Horror. Cause you know what? They are actually worth calling 'AWESOME' movies. I have been watching horrors deliriously since I was 13. And i am absolutely crazy about them.

Once, in old chalk-board wala times, I used to have a movie shop just near my house and I used to go there a lot with my brother to get DVDs of all the horrors he used to have on the shelf. So, once i asked my movie-wale-uncle:

Me: Uncle, Koi SAI ke horror movie dein. 
Uncle: *hands me The Exorcist* 
Me: Ye SAI ke horror hai na?
Uncle: Beta, Yeh OSCAR movie hai, beta. (Oscar movie? Yeah. :/)
Me: HORROR HAI?
Uncle: Beta OUT-STAN-DDDING hai. OSCAR hai.
Me: *takes that*

And don't ask me what a horrendously stupid movie it was.
Come on. Would THIS scare you?

                  GET ME TO BATHROOM, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

So yeah, I was MORE laughing than thrilled or shocked, or perhaps spell bounded. I had such tragedies with other movies too, when i asked people to suggest me HORRORS and they told me about stupid ones like Shutters, The Unborn, Orphan, The Exorcism of the Emily Rose, Insidious or Screams, or even GRUDGE.

And so i came to know that only SAW series were the creepiest movies Hollywood ever, ever produced. And i was grieved for days when i came to know that it ended on SAW 3D, the latest one.
And in the morning, that's what happened, i couldn't find any worth watching Horror so i watched SAW VI, SAW V and SAW IV, including creepy scenes from the previous series. 

                                    I MISS THIS BLOODY FACE!

And i was more than  dejected at the mere thought that i wouldn't be able to enjoy more of it. So it just dawned upon me, why not ask around the globe for the suggestions. Maybe you'd get me some more horrifying stuff than this. So tell me all you, who happened to have this crazy obsession with Horror Movies, and prove me wrong at my concept of whoever-i-ask-suggests-me-a-comedy-than-pure-horror.

P.s: No The Hill Have Eyes, The Ring, 28 Weeks Later or Hostel. I am done laughing. 
P.P.s: Tobin Bell is the second thing that rules my heart after the first thing. And i still have to figure out the first thing.

                       Log mujhey Jigsaw ke naam se jante hein.
           (People know me from my much acclaimed name, JIGSAW)

Meherbani if you happen to suggest something REALLY GOOD. :D

CAKE & everything nice.

Is it right when people say that we are happy where our heart is? There are so many things in life that we desire, that we love and that we crave for, but don’t get them, for the time is unable to give space to us.

Like I have been craving for a piece of cake, a chocolate mushed pineapple cake with Twix bars all over it, for like a month now, but I can’t take enough time out of my old monotonous life routine to enjoy what I actually want, and which will perhaps give me contended feeling too.

There are so many things, we want to do, we plan, scrutinize it and lipstick it on our mirrors or perhaps ‘shave-cream’ it in case of, well men, not boys. The thing is we procrastinate in every phase of our life, which in fact sucks.

-I should buy this Levi's Tee's, though I have enough money in my pocket, but nah, I will buy it soon.

-OMGOMGOMG I LOVE THESE EARRINGS! Yeah, will buy them tomorrow.

-I should go out and enjoy the rain, wet in it but then my new kaprey would be ruined, so just leave it.
-TWIX. But I just had mac’n cheese so, leave it.
-I should go and tell her that she’s my best friend and I am sorry for what I did, but no she won’t understand.
-I love him, but does he love me too? No, he doesn’t, so just don’t give it another thought.

-I want to sing karaoke but people will make fun of me, so I should not.
-Hey Mom, can you stop by Masoom's? I wanna check the raspberry pie *exactly 5 seconds later while Mom is about to reach the place and finally asks you* ‘So, do you think you want it all so desperately? and right there you change your mind cause yet again you procrastinate. You think you will have more days to live and ‘some other time’ you will have it and enjoy it because you know you want it.

But do we know is there going to be any tomorrow? Do we know we will ever get a chance to enjoy these little moments of bliss and happiness and worth enjoying pleasurable times, ever next time? Is there any next time waiting for us? Life is indefinable. Unpredictable and in fact a surprise. Indeed a surprise. 

This ‘BUT’ and ‘SOME OTHER TIME’ tags ruin us all. They halt us from making the moves right away. They don’t let us be what we want to be right at that moment. They hinder the spontaneity of the life. I don’t say, we should do things without giving them a glimpse of our second thoughts, but something’s just must be done because they bring us to peace.

LIKE A CAKE IN MY CASE. :P

This all started from a bloody cake, and had I eaten that bloody cake, maybe I would have not been here writing this post. Some days back, I read this post by a blog-mate, where he wrote a whole giant post regarding his friend, who was unfortunately expired a day back, and who always wanted him to write one post on him, but my blog-mate never got a chance. The same chance, I was talking about.

So, all I meant to say was do everything that you want to do, right at that moment without thinking twice, be adventurous, take steps forward, jump, budge, fall and rise again. Enjoy every bit of life, eat every cake you want, and whatever the pastry there is on the shelf that intrigues you, even though the man beside you tells you not to buy it cause he has tasted it and found it stale. Tell your friend what he/she means to you, remind them that you love them and you fear losing them even though you are bad at verbal, try sign language. Cause, this time or the other, you will thank me and my cake for doing that. 

                So here’s to my cake and to our unfulfilled desires!


Have a great day.
And get me a CAKE.

P.s: In case you are wondering about the cake in the picture, its my friend's art. She'll bake me one, on my birthday. Just like this one. ;)

The imissyou Calls.

Why do people start loving you so much, or pretending to, no matter if its your brother or cousin, just so that you can write them an impressive personal statement along with some essay on the fictional character in the middle of the night, say 2?
AND THEY WANT IT BY SEHRI.

How such conversations starts up when they have this reason dangling behind their minds right before making the request to you, well let me tell you. Why? Cause i have been the victim of this right-on-the-spot-love-cum-affection for like zillion times already, by friends and family both? :P

Last night, my cousin calls up out of NOWHERE and i know the motive behind. Obviously.
 

Me: Hey, how come you remember me?
Rimz: Kutti. Why would you think that? I MISS YOU. (She never calls. NEVER)
Me: HAHAH. Kaam kia hai?
Rimz: How rude! I called you to ask you about you! (Acha jee. Mera dimagh kharab hai yani key)
Me: Dekho, leave the formalities. And tell me what you want?
Rimz: Shutup! And tell me how's Khala and everyone? :D
Me: ENOUGH. Kaam batao.
Rimz: Write me an essay?

And a week before that, a call from a friend who i had not spoken to for months cause.. well you will find it. :p

Me: Kheriat?
Bia: Hey mann! Long time. Where the hell have you been? (Now they are putting the blame on you, smart move i say)
Me: Me? Hahah. You had been the one not leaving bathroom whenever i call, lovely.
Bia: Ziada baqwas mat karo. Aur sunao, whats going on in your life? (Suddenly my life is Lady Gaga's life)
Me: Nothing man. Just bored.
Bia: Chalo acha hai. I need a favor! Write me this personal statement. I applying for a study trip to Germany. And i CANNOT TRUST anyone than you with words. And i miss you man. (Butter, butter, more butter please?)

Did you see? Did you notice how sometimes love can be so bikao (Sell-able?) Well such sitiuatiosn are at least amusing for me. I like such random calls and such bragging/buttering/suddenly-i-am-the-only-hope-left-in-this-world requests. :P

This happens with almost everyone of us. Its an amusing phenomenon, cause after they are done with their work, they send you a Thank you-text, telling you how much they love you.
And when you reply. There is no reply.
Wow-lacious no?

So. Beware.

Hope my Stars don't cease to Shine.

Maybe today i will disappoint you with some of my rants but i really feel like sharing my apprehensions with you guys cause there are somethings better written than conveyed through verbs. So three months back, i got this scholarship to US for completing my semester which was just so out of the blue since i applied without a stone of expectation and hope that i would be selected, but i was one of 300 out of 4000 candidates, who got that much awaited call at their homes. Which was more of a dream to me than reality, since in most of the Pakistani homes when a conversation like such takes place:

Girl: Dad, what if i get a chance to study abroad, like really?
Dad (most of the times): Well, you can.
Girl: REALLY! :D
Dad: Exactly, once you are married.

The dream doesn't remain a dream but more of a fantasy. 

Matlab ke hadd hai.

So such conversation took place with me too, but Allah blessed and after my selection, my Dad actually supported me and drove me all the way to Islamabad for just an interview. Now, the bad part.

Do you realize how it feels when you are selected for one such goddamn thing and you can't help but update your status telling the Facebook world you got in, and then the calls come up congratulating your parents, and then the other moment after savoring all the celebrations, you receive that feared application from the firm telling you that you are an 'alternate' candidate, and your whole thing depends upon 'if' somebody drops out or leaves a seat? Have you ever felt such?

I did. And it was enormously disastrous.

Now i am clinging to one that tiny thread of hope that tells me that i WILL get a call in December telling me to pack my bags cause you know what? And it doesn't hurt me to confess that it's one such dream for me to study 'on my own' abroad. Hell its 7 months or 7 years. I want it to happen cause this is one experiance i will cherish for the rest of my God-forsaken life. I need to know how Starbucks tastes like, or what it feels to live all independently in a country where all you know is, Obama is after Osama.

I need to feel all this. And so much more. Sighs. Hopeless no?
Well nothing in the world can grant me hope or satisfaction than Pheobe Buffay, for now. Want me to share it with you too? Here you go. Thank me later for the laugh.  


 


I said, thank me later. And yeah, i know. She's awesome. AWESOMEST, in fact.
Have a good day.
And pray for me, if you can possibly remember to.
Carpe Diem. (Well i do worry about the future, for now)

And my Cat's got diarrhea besides..

Nowadays, besides all the ongoing ibadat, waking up reluctantly at Sehris, the fact that my cat (Yes, she's persian. And yes she's she) has got diarrhea, discovering my brother's abnormal obsessions, reading Jodi Picoult's Handle with Care, listening to Ami's continuous ranting regarding my unwillingness to eat Bhindi & Turai, to her punch lines like 'Beta abhi nai seekho gi tou shaadi ke baad pachtao gi' (If you won't learn now, you'll regret after marriage :p) while I am looking at her from sofa as she bakes a Chocolate Lave Cake, besides my friend getting his knee operated just cause he's a football freak, unstoppable forward lame messages, my laptop downloading speed be regulating between 20kb/s to 200kb/s, reading blogs and envying people bagging 100+ followers, abandoning music for this month rather switching to instrumental like Hammock, and besides all the whatever humidity in Lahore surrounding my very existence, I, hereby, confess that I have developed a huge-untranslatable-gigantic addiction to:

I talk a lot no?
Yeah, I just wanted to tell you that I have finally started watching LOST. Spare the details above. I'm just an incessant talker. 

P.s: If you haven't watched it yet, you probably are living in 1st generation computers wala time. Like me.

And Hello to new stalker/followers. :D

A thought-shut-down Photography.

So, hey! Today, i was bored as shit so i just opened up a few of the folders saved somewhere in the nook and cranny of my PC, entitled as 'Photography of a Son of a Gun'. I opened it and discovered my brother's weird taste. He had those one of the few atrocious, hilarious and over whelming tastes, you can not imagine. I couldn't stop laughing.

Pictures.

There were hundreds of them, taken in different scenarios. From cars, behind the trees, beyond gates, in parking lots, on the side banks of gutters, down in the streets, in the green bushes and where not, you name it. Though i had to think for like n-times if i should share those what-the-hell-he-was-thinking pictures, but hell with it. I so wanted to show you all. So, don't go all gooey and omg-wth-is-this on that, cause at least i had a big time laughing, watching at least one hundred and sixty three of such pieces.

Me: HAHAAHA, OH MY GOD.
Zee: What? *shoots a look at my PC* YOU FOUND IT! :D
Me: What, you took them?
Zee: Of course! I mean I want to sue all of these people. And they talk about cleaning my country.
Me: Yeah right. But these people are on alert call, man.
Zee: SO?!
Me: Okay. :P

Before your head screams off wondering what sort of picture were those, then let me just paste, 1? No, 3 of them maybe.

                      So what's up brotha? Chillness drivin' you crazy?

 Just don't care to ask me what he was thinking then. Cause he was thinking about too many things. This is his patriotism. Capturing the lot who, according to him, are polluting his land. And i guess, he's right in a way. No? :P

                             Uncle, agey dekho. (look forward) :p

Well this is the one which was the latest, according to him, taken round some dhabba in Lahore.

                   Poor guy thinking: Was i meant to do this? Oh you.

My brother had a purpose of taking pictures. Well, all i could see was some bunch of our 'qoum' relieving themselves in most possibly private way. :p

So here's to public toilets! There's another on the to-do list of our Sayssat Daans. To construct public toilets at more feasible places. But first, tell them how to use one when they got one.

P.s: In case you have braced this desire to look at my brother's collection, kindly send your feedback in comments. He'd be more than obliged to give you a brief glance at his 'Collection of shit basket'. :P

Photo + captioning credits: My Brother with a 10 mega pixel camera shooting shit around the world. Appluad! ;D

20years of Summers' Ramazan. Brace yourself!

I don't want to sound nefarious by saying that i had a hard time fasting but today I seriously realized the worth of 'water'. At 2.30am, when my Mom woke me up to help her in Sehri, I was continuously dehydrating. The perspiration was enormous, but I was contented with the fact that in Sehri, i will drink lots of water and hence i won't feel thirst for the rest of the day.

But. That was not it.

Most of us, in summers, plan to spend day sleeping to pass our fast. (Besides, praying obviously) I had the same in mind too until my Granny called me down in the morning to make her something since she wasn't feeling well. As 19, and without the presence of a woman in the house, i had to take charge. Now what to cook her?

Daaal without Makhan wala tadka? No. She won't like it.
Halwa? No stupid, talk about food.
Chawal (Rice)? Maybe.
CHAWAL AND ALOO GOSHT? Yeah, right. Like you can even cook it.

So, i called Mama to tell me how to cook it. In all her bewilderment, she gave me the instructions and so i cooked. And i cooked right. But the happiness of accomplishment couldn't measure to the amount of water i lost perspiring, yet again.

Yes, Aloo Gosht (well, somehow i replaced it with Chicken) was tasty. According to my Granny. Or i think she said so.

                       This is how it looked like, well yeah almost.

I slept all afternoon and dreaming about an empty glass. Cause all i wanted was a drop of water seeping through my throat which almost make me feel as if i was in some sort of desert. And Lahore is a desert. Perhaps a humid one.

Keeping the rest of the day aside, when i finally broke my fast at 6.59. I drank 13 glasses of water in one go. Believe you me, 13. And the feeling when water electrifier-ed me, as if somebody has poured in light to a gloom day, as if i had started living, as if the life could not have been beautiful without this tasteless, colorless, odorless liquid that was energizing every nook and cranny of my body. The feeling was enormous and inexplicable.

There, at the very show of my thirst, my Dad enlightened me.

Pa: You don't have to eat?
Me: Nah. Did you have hard time fasting, Papa?
Pa: Not now. Maybe after 20years, i would.
Me: Why 20 years, precisely?
Pa: I will be 73 then, and obviously the summers' fasting would be hard for my depleted body, won't it be? *starts to eat*
Me: OH-MY-GOD.

P.s: So, i calculated in my mind and estimated that February Ramazan would be experienced precisely after 20years. To my all muslmaan loves, we'll be 20years older, once we'll experience winter Ramazan next time.*shudders and drinks some more water*
P.P.S: Should we spell it Ramazan or Ramadan? I have no idea.
P.P.P.S: Whosoever wants to learn cooking Aloo Gosht , don't ask me. Google it :p

Ramazan Mubarak to all of my Muslims and Non-Muslims followers. I'll be praying for you guys! :)

Songs that brought me back to Briteny Spears.

I was just rummaging through my stuff when I discovered the back of my notebook full of lyrics of songs I loved long time back. I sat up on my PC and searched for those songs again via lyrics because I’d forgotten about their titles even. And when I succeeded in downloading all of them and making their play list, I braced myself to play them all cause every song had a time, a meaning and a patch of my life enclosed with it. Silent crushes (you know, we used to have them a lot at 14 :p), Celebrations, BFFAAs, Friend breakups, Bus trips, Misery, and so many times I can’t even recall now, were those songs about.

So, my first ever English songs, that I actually learned the lyrics of was:

Leave Get out – Jojo. (Stop grinning at my choice. I was 14 then!) : P

He Wasn’t – Avril Lavigne.

Overprotected – Britney Spears (To add to that, I had her on my desktops, screen savers and where not, you name it: P)

Hips don’t lie – Shakira.

Story of a girl – 3 Doors Down.

Sk8er Boy – Avril Lavigne.

Wanna be – Spice Girls.

And when I got a bit mature, after watching first kiss from A Walk To Remember (believe me, it was not even close to a kiss, but anyways) the songs were;

I dare you to move – Switchfoot (Believe me, it IS evergreen. You’ll love it)

Learning to breath – Swtichfoot.

How to save a life – The Fray.

Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol.  (Okay, I am not mentioning here by I still had Britney on my desktop then)

And when I got more mature (As in the way, I actually loved when I witnessed guys can actually have crush on me (Yes before that I had some doubts but he don’t you dare underestimate my looks, I am thin, and..well that’s all to it) I started listening to *gasps* Enrique.

Songs like, you know:
Hero.
Maybe.
Be With You.
WISH I WAS YOUR LOVER (Cause this is one bloody song)
Roamer. 

And listening to all of them brought back a rush of those cool spontaneous childhood memories that I couldn't enclose in my diary. I made a playlist of all these old songs, and saved it up for long journeys. 

So now when I look at myself and my desktop full of Hugh Dancy's pictures (The weird habit of collecting Hot Star's photos never ditched me, and I am 19. Cool no?) I miss Britney Spears and hence i download her wall papers and put them up. And feel contended. And I think i need to check on how many guys had crush on me 'coz it sorta dawning upon me that the number is less than i thought. (This is what girls do in their spare time. Not me, P ssh) 

P.s: In case you want to see Britney for my desktop, i chose this one.

Oh you want her too now, don't you? (DON'T CALL ME LAME, I LIKE HER A LOT)

P.P.S: I know you must have googled or will google Hugh Dancy now so to save you the time, here's Hugh, for you. 

Nah Nah, wrong one. But i commend guy's sarcasm. 'You wanna take this outside'? :D He's funnaay.

So the real Hugh, is here:

Yes, he's British. And YES HE'S HOT. And if you want to know where you've seen  him, then let me enlighten you that he was starred in 'Confessions of a Shopaholic'. And he is NOT gay.

Off to making the who-the-hell-had-a-crush-on-me-anyways list. :p