Sunday, 23 December 2012

That Golden Rose

I wonder what life had been like if there was nothing as such as called love. People would live, no one would care. People would win, no on would care. People would lose, no one would care. People would die.. and no one would care. Would not it have been a blessing? Or no, it would have been a curse?

I have no idea why I am talking about all this right now, but I hate to see people crying when someone leaves. Because I cannot stop crying too. If we hadn't loved them, we would not have to feel the agony of losing them as well. Its like the more you love, the more space you are offering to pain to house in you. My two dear friends lost their most beloved ones in the hands of this merciless life and I am speechless, because I cannot do anything. I cannot bring them back and I cannot tell them to not cry cause they have to. Cause I am crying too. I see them remembering the last of the moments they talked to their loved ones. What they were wearing. What they used to do, what they used to smile at, what this and what that.

It just took a moment for them to turn from 'is' to 'was'. From 'now' to 'then'. From 'they will' to 'never ever'.

What a bitter-sweet emotion, love is. What a unpredictable story, life is. 

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

The Clock In My Mind

Its Tuesday night and I am hovering over my Facebook/Outlook and what not just because I feel like talking to someone. Does that ever happen to you that you want something with so much desperation and all of a sudden you realize you just cannot have it? Something or someone you want so desperately and then you realize that this is not going to happen. Like realizing that your dead friend is never going to come back? Or you will not be able to experience the "first" of everything all your life? Its sad you know, how time vanishes so quickly and give us so little time to make the best out of the little moments that we just love to spend. I do not know why they go away so quickly. Does happiness has something to do with leaving one not getting enough of it?

I am not sure what I am writing right now because I feel like a Zombie yearning for the perfect happiness to come and last for eternity. Sometimes I cannot even write what I want to over here just because I know some people I know are reading this. But then sometimes, I just want to write and vent what's going on in my mind and heart deep inside. Why would someone not want you to go away but stay and then go away themselves? Why do people like to see people waiting for them and they do not want to be on the waiting end? Why sometimes people make things sound so easy however for the other one, it might take the life out of him?

That's because they do not care enough. And that's also because we do not care enough. I realized one thing after being friends with people from every mindset that everything vanishes after a while. Maybe it be love or the friendship-urge. It all has to evaporate in the gush of moist wind one day and then the equation stays unbalanced because one is tired of not being satisfied and other is tired of trying to satisfy other. And after all the crap, I learned that..

Saturday, 23 June 2012

A Cigarette Not Smoked.

..did you ever wonder if there was a way we could cancel the days we just did not feel like living? Days which gives you spasms and days which just do not pass quickly when you just want to be done with them. And all of a sudden those days come which are too good and they are gone in blink of an eye!
I never get this whole psyche of nature, if you ask me. Today while I was scribbling through my life since I just wanted to PASS my time and live the good days again where I am all happy and satisfied with myself, I hit a text to a friend, telling her about my depressed and conical situation. And she suggested me to just write something. Hence I am back here, on my blog which I left some months back and never cared to look back. I came here, and I felt as if i came back to a deserted house I abandoned some ages ago.

The main reason why I am writing this post is to ask and to tell that sometimes, it's just too easy to let go of somethings and sometimes? ITS SO HARD. I am going through the latter patch, actually. I know letting go would just help me in moving forward but I just don't want to let go. I never let go, thats the problem with me even when the other person is pulling his hand back, I just won't let go cause It would just in fill me the distrust of not giving it another chance. Maybe I am too hopeful for them or maybe for them I am too hopeless. I don't know what or why exactly I am writing this post but I hate myself for being such a keeper of things which I should just burn and get done with them. Like that cigarette that I have hidden in my envelope for like 8months now. Or that picture in which a Belgian guy spontaneously put a hand around my shoulder and clicked a picture which for me was the most outrageous thing (but i dont blame him, courtesy his culture). Or those wrappers of Fruitella that this guy I badly fell in love with, once gave me, two years back. Or those cheap cards my friends gave me on Eids/Birthdays from school. Or.. perhaps my best friend who just stopped caring for me eventually..

I know I sound sad but I am not. I don't want to be sad. I am not sad.. or maybe I look like one? Or maybe I am one. I don't know. I talk to myself when I cannot talk to that one person who is just so busy vacationing in some part of the country, oblivion of the fact that it's just so hard for me seeing that even when I didn't let go of things.. someone let go of me.

Saturday, 28 January 2012

A Paralysed Moment.

And how subtle it is that we realize our true feelings for others, right at the moment when they are about to say 'Good Bye'. It almost kills you. It killed me, too.