Saturday, 23 June 2012

A Cigarette Not Smoked.

..did you ever wonder if there was a way we could cancel the days we just did not feel like living? Days which gives you spasms and days which just do not pass quickly when you just want to be done with them. And all of a sudden those days come which are too good and they are gone in blink of an eye!
I never get this whole psyche of nature, if you ask me. Today while I was scribbling through my life since I just wanted to PASS my time and live the good days again where I am all happy and satisfied with myself, I hit a text to a friend, telling her about my depressed and conical situation. And she suggested me to just write something. Hence I am back here, on my blog which I left some months back and never cared to look back. I came here, and I felt as if i came back to a deserted house I abandoned some ages ago.

The main reason why I am writing this post is to ask and to tell that sometimes, it's just too easy to let go of somethings and sometimes? ITS SO HARD. I am going through the latter patch, actually. I know letting go would just help me in moving forward but I just don't want to let go. I never let go, thats the problem with me even when the other person is pulling his hand back, I just won't let go cause It would just in fill me the distrust of not giving it another chance. Maybe I am too hopeful for them or maybe for them I am too hopeless. I don't know what or why exactly I am writing this post but I hate myself for being such a keeper of things which I should just burn and get done with them. Like that cigarette that I have hidden in my envelope for like 8months now. Or that picture in which a Belgian guy spontaneously put a hand around my shoulder and clicked a picture which for me was the most outrageous thing (but i dont blame him, courtesy his culture). Or those wrappers of Fruitella that this guy I badly fell in love with, once gave me, two years back. Or those cheap cards my friends gave me on Eids/Birthdays from school. Or.. perhaps my best friend who just stopped caring for me eventually..

I know I sound sad but I am not. I don't want to be sad. I am not sad.. or maybe I look like one? Or maybe I am one. I don't know. I talk to myself when I cannot talk to that one person who is just so busy vacationing in some part of the country, oblivion of the fact that it's just so hard for me seeing that even when I didn't let go of things.. someone let go of me.


  1. May be it's just good to leave yourself for a while and see how you change from a 3rd person's perspective.

  2. Those cancer sticks. Damn addictive.

    1. Wish I could have that courage to smoke them all.

  3. For once its great to feel that someone feels else the same about letting go as I do.. the feeling of distrust.. the feeling of losing something valuable.

    Take it from a stranger, let the sands of time flow through your hands, only the ones that stick to you themselves are yours. Rest were the sands of time

    ~tc. LT

  4. hey, Don't be sad... Things HAVE to get better eventually...
    And you know I'm also a kind of a person who does'nt let go.. I try giving second chances to people but I don't think people realise this, people have still shattered my trust But Still, Somewhere deep in my heart is satisfaction that if things din't get better, at least it was'nt my fault I tried my best...At the end of it at least we are'nt guilty of things falling apart as we know it is'nt because of us!!
    INSHALLAH you'll feel better soon, don't you worry! :)

    and hey Follow my blog too!

  5. oh man. coming on you blog after so long. i missed your posts!
    maybe you can't let go because you care too much. it is both a blessing and a curse. feel better soon! ♥

  6. Komal,

    It is so nice to see you back. I must than your friend who gave this good advice. One should let go what weighs on mind by sharing it here to regain peace with self. May I tell you that in any relationship, specially ones which are on romantic side, there are four basic principles which make it healthy. These are :

    1. Mutual Respect. Not only for each other but for those who are related to partner in whatever way.
    2. Mutual Trust. One should never be over possessive and must give space to other, and such given space should never be misused.
    3. Willing to accept other for what he or she is without making any demands asking him or her to change. Rather one should look into self and try to change traits which may make partner unhappy.
    4. Two way open and logical communication without getting angry or annoyed to resolve any misunderstandings.

    If any of these is lacking from one partner, the relationship will surely have blocks. There are more things which help in relationship being strong, like sense of humour and physical aspects.

    Now you may give it a thought and see what went wrong and where to decide if it is advisable to give it another try.

    Take care

  7. Know the best thing about time ? It heals.
    Yes, it's cliched, but do give it a thought and you'll realize that after a year or so we sure forget the details.

  8. If you refrain finding replica of yourself every single good will follow suit !.

    .. and Please do visit this Deserted house more often ! Its always a pleasure to read your posts :)

  9. Komal,

    This is to wish EID MUBARAK to you all.

    Take care

  10. Komal, This is sad that you are sad and you don't even know it. The Komal I remember was such a lively girl who always wore a smile on her face. What happened to that girl? Listen, may be I am wrong. May be I am completely wrong. Here is what I believe: People come and go in our lives. Its hard to let them go.. But God has blessed us with the power of controlling our thoughts and emotions. We can forget the past. We can move on. I mean we have this capability.
    Just let go of everything. Have this firm belief that things will be O.K one day..
    The person you are missing will come back..
    You'll have this belief, life will be lot easier..
    Until then, just don't think about anything that hurts you.. Easiest way of getting rid of grief is to delete it from your memory. Trust me! It is possible!

  11. And read this if you have time.. It may help :)

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